May 21, 2007

• Then, There, at that point in time.. I felt totally complete..
  
  To have it all washed away an into a bliss due to my remarks of ignorace.
  
  I guess you can only truly live and learn.. To live what you have done, to make a pathway...Then, to learn from your mistakes and what you have done.. To try and make things better.. to hope for a better ending next time.
  
  I guess sometimes, things just aren't cut out..though, life is short.. it seems incredibly long.. I may have time, but it sometimes feels like I'd rather die than stand around waiting for life to pick up its end of the deal and carry some load.
  
  Don't fret my friends, the ones that have so long been entangled in my voice of words, to help me in due time when henceforth I may need it.. I shall be here, I'll always be here.. For you, my dearest friends. To be there for you through the worst times of your life.. As a friend, as a sister.. As a loved one..
  
  That's all I can truly offer and be happy with, I guess.. Friendship..
  
  I try too hard to please people, I try my best to not let my emotions get to me, but I can't help it.. Hope gets strong.. and it just moves on.. But, glad I am.. that I may have a chance to stop myself in my wicked ways..
  
  Please, not let me explain the hardships from which I write to you all about. That would indeed, be too much drama for you people.. and It is of course, My life.. so I must abide by my own wishes. Please, understand, my dear readers.. Its not that I don't trust you with my words, for most of you, I truly do trust. Its a matter of secrecy . I wish to keep it in my mind so I cannot, will not make a stir about all of this. It is, after all.. Not worth it..
  
  Do not try to swoon me with thine sympathy, for it is clearly not needed. Thank you, my dear ones, but let me dry my own tears on my own willpower, for that's truly the only way I can learn.. to Derive the power within me, so I can fine peace.. happiness, solice, and maybe..just maybe, I'll learn what everyone means.. Love thyself.. Love.. that's the hardest thing to do, is love myself. when, I alone, hate myself. every fucking part of me. My looks, my ways, and even the way I do things. How can you love something you hate so much?
  
  I am a disgrace, it seems. To you all. I've failed you, immensely. I've been the strongest for you all, yet I am the weakest of all of you combined. From which.. my power.. Its.. drained. No longer am I how I used to be.. I'm a changed woman, now.. I believe.
  
  Do I still long to be happy? Yes.. But that, takes time.. Like everything else.
  
  I beg of you, don't use me like I'm a whore.. Thine wishes are that of my own, but hither this as a word of judgement, I shall not make a fool of myself. I shall not act like a whore.
  
  And with that all said and done, let me beckon you all no more, and bid you a farewell.
  
  *Bows head and slowly walks away*
  
  Let my sorrows be lifted, and let me not hate myself, and let me now henceforth be nicer, if possible..
  
  If possible..
  

  • 1:29 am
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