Sometimes, I question my judgement on people. I seem to always try to find the good in every single person, even when I know that there's not really hope in them changing or moving forward. I guess, sometimes it's because I know life has dealt them a bad hand and I want to help.. but, there's only so much I'm willing to do. I can only be asked for a ride, for money, or for anything of that nature before I decide I just can't do it anymore. I like hanging out with the person that they are, but not the apparent beggar they are. I've spent quite the amount trying to keep them a float, and have barely been paid back in return. I also, know that you've might have tapped out all of your sources on other people too, so the cry wolf bullshit of 'I'm getting evicted' Rings on dead ears now. Then, apparently me saying i can't give you a ride because I am already groggy from medication, then unable to sleep means that I'm not a good friend? Fine. I don't apparently need you around that much I guess. You've barely talked to me at all since I started my new job.

Just like me being sick of this city. I'm just so frustrated from everyone always just zoning in on themselves, not looking around, and seeing what lives they are putting in danger. Sometimes, I hope I can watch some of them pay the toll for texting and driving, but I know that I would be put in harms way, as well. All this ALWAYS happens in Dallas, thus... I'm fucking done with Dallas. I'm going to be trying to move as soon as I can to somewhere closer to my work because I'm finally done with this. I want to be able to live on my own, away from fucking leeches, and everything of that nature.

That's all for right now.

Do you ever notice how one person can make an impact on your life? And, when they pass from this world.. Everything seems to change? I am just remembering this concept, since it has decided to recently come to play with me again. My grandfather passed on saturday, and it seems that everything I do has a new meaning, and everything looks and feels different. There's no way for me to describe it other than my eyes have now been opened to a new part of the world. Maybe, it was always there and I just now have been able to see it as I do since I'm more awaken. Or, Maybe it's just from the world seeming different with me just knowing that he is gone from this world.

Just thinking of him gone has been quite the painful thing. More so than I thought it would be.. And it had caught me completely off guard. I wasn't ready for this day to come just yet, but part of me knew that it was coming. Me and my grandfather had our rough spots, but he was a kind person to me. He taught me so many different things, and helped shape me into who I am today. he was always there for me and my sister when we needed him, and would always drop anything that he was doing if we said we needed help. He always tried to make sure that when we were with him, we would have a fun time. He took us on road trips, Across the United States and I wish I would ahve took him on one more. He taught me so much of my skill set that I use to this day. He has been my inspiration, and I have wanted to make him proud of how I turned out. . .

My uncle Donald was the same way with me. Although I was young when he passed, He had taught me a lot. Between him and my grandfather, I had learned about tractors, Welding, Horses, Electrical work, Carpentry, driving, and to enjoy the little things in life. My grandfather used to love getting Sno-Balls, and He would eat one and I'd get the other.. Partially, because I was the only one that loved coconut as much as he did.. Now, every time I smell it.. It reminds me of him. Just like he loved showing me off, and being able to say that I was his granddaughter. I remember going to help him with Air conditioners and having people ask who I was. He'd always proudly tell them who I was and ask for my help. That was enough for me.

In honor of them, I'll be finally getting my family Tree to represent to people in my life who have passed that have shaped me into who I am today. Without them standing by me, supporting me in my decisions I would have not turned out to who I am today. In honor of them, I can say Requescat en pace. I Love you.