I have been looking back through some of the old photographs that I had acquired when I moved into my new apartment. Each one had a different memory tied to them, all of which I could happily recall almost.

More than anything, I can recall who the people are, and how much they had meant to me. (And still do.) A lot of the people had passed before I had really grasped the reality of how much they really would mean to me, and how much I enjoy them being around. I feel like I should have paid more attention to them, and took more away from them than I did.

Above all, I wish I had more time. I wish I would have went and saw them more, talked to them more, and got to know them even better than I already knew them. I understand they all loved me, and I did them. These were the people that I spent a lot of my life around, right? however, I was pretty young when a few of them had left me.. that alone kind of breaks my heart. I have videos, and memories from them which makes it all the better.. but I still wish that they were here with me. I wish I could turn to them and ask them some of the questions that I now have. 

I regret taking my life too fast, and trying to push myself too much forward, or being more worried about the latest boyfriend, or whatever I was into at the time to REALLY sit down and talk to them. Granted, people like my grandfather were a bit more stern. There was nothing he loved more than to ask me "What's new in the world of Charlie brown?" and listen to what all new things I had been into, and what new stories I had to tell. I remember him calling me all the time to help him with his phone, or his computer.. And most of the time, I always forgot.. No matter how minor it was, I wish I would have made time to spend with him before he was gone. I find myself missing him more than I thought I would, often looking back over his Facebook page, and reading through the posts he had, or the pictures throughout his years.. I have a piece of him with me, and I still have the sound of his voice, but it's just not the same as him being here with me to laugh.

Just like I have pictures of my Uncle and Aunt, who pretty much raised me the first half of my life.. My aunt, leaving me still pretty young. All I can remember is being a complete hellion around her. I don't even remember why now, but I remember getting my ass whipped it seemed like every other day for doing something bad. I remember towards the end of her life, taking care of her.. and her teaching me all of her recipes. The biscuits and gravy she used to make was the best thing I had ever had, and I would always get it every saturday morning. She cared for me and my sister like we were her own children, and I was a complete pain in the ass to her.

I remember the roadtrips we would go on.. My Uncle, My aunt, my sister and I.. I remember driving to Alabama to meet my sisters family, and I remember going to California to meet some of my cousins.. I remember staying up late while my uncle drove, listening to the roar of the engine and watching the beautiful skylight from city to country.. Something about it completely peaceful. The last few years he was alive,I know I didn't get a chance to spend all that much time for him..and still, to this day I kick myself in the ass over it. I wish I would have pushed more to see him, get to know him even more, and make him proud of me.

Above all, I miss their laughs, the smiles, and their faces at the family reuinions.. The way they'd shout my name when I was in trouble, or whenever it was starting to get dark outside and was time for supper. I wish I could have learned more from him, and I hope that I still make them proud..

Wherever y'all are, I hope.. I in some way, have made you smile down on me.. Forgive me for not spending more time with you, and know that I do miss you, and would probably do anything in the world to have y'all back..

-Charlie