Everytime  I leave my house to venture forth.. It becomes a great day.. I hope the good times keep rolling.. =]

/Sighs in happiness

I love you guys,

Vero, I love you. <3

Addie, I love you too.

So Yeah.

I have several things floating around in my head, but I think the important one is that we are having a Halloween party. those who are invited have already been notified. The party is all thanks to Chad, Chris, and Amy.

I invited Kevin, But I don't know if he will come or not.. I don't even know when I will get to see him next.. I miss him so much, too.. =/

I love him, but I don't know when he wants to come over, or what he wants to do, or if he even really wants to ever come over.. it seems like all he ever really wants to do is go to Gamers Guild and Davids, Then maybe once every three weeks, pop by my house to see if Im dead or not.

/Sighs

Tomorrow me and him will be together for Three months.. that's kind of a long time.. Especially considering, usually.. I can't hold onto a boyfriend... But now that I have one, Maybe I ask too much? Maybe I am paranoid.. Maybe.. I am just difficult to handle.. so he strays away from me..

I don't know. Meh.

I'll talk to him right now about it, While I have the Chance.. see what he says, No idea what he will say, though.

I don't think I have much else to say right now.. Except, I love you guys..

And.. can't wait until the party. <33

The Description of the Perfect love:

Tall, Skinny, Caring

Not really with me for sex

Will be there for me when I need them the most

Will not care what others think of us being together

Loves me for how I look, and won't try to change me.

Is happy with me, and will want to spend every moment with me that he can

Will give me a small gift every once in a blue moon to show me that he does care for me

Will remember special dates

Wants to hang out with me, and wants to go places with me

Will Talk to me, until I fall asleep on the phone

Will Call me no matter how late in the night it is, Just to tell me he loves me, and misses me.

Knows of Alien Sex, and its values

Is mature, and caring

has a plan for life ahead of him

Knows games inside and out, and will love competition.

Someone just to hold, and love me.. For who I am..

I know some of those are really materialistic, but that's me.. I don't know.. I have had up and down moods lately, and this is one of them.. I just wanted to see if what I had in my mind was close to what I have.. and I don't know.. Meh.. Im so frustrated with myself. Im so angry at my feelings.. And I guess I just want to be held... To feel special, or something.
Maybe Im obsessive, annoying, or something like that.. I don't know.. Do I talk about Kevin too much? He is always what is running through my head... And I don't know if he is my everything or not.. but, god, Do I really wish he is.. And I am happy to be with him.. sometimes.. And sometimes, I miss him.. Terribly..but, I don't want to ask him to come over.. I don't want to foce him.. If he wants to see me, then he will come.. If not.. then.. *Sigh* I guess I will just go out with friends.. Because they know me to well..

Im getting tired, so.. I might also be psycho on some of the things.. I have realised that I am a psycho Ex Girlfriend, and I will try hard to change that to the people that I have already dated, and I am a bitch to them.. [Minus changing toward some people.. they need to be treated like shit..] bah.. I don't know.. Its weird.

It seems like everytime I think or something, my life goes on Fast Foreward. It just speeds up, just to anger me. I think my Vision is getting a little too blurry to keep typing, But I am going to keep typing. I apologize now for my mistakes.

I've been listening to all kinds of music lately, and my Music taste is so Diverse now, I don't know what to really think of it.. What to call it.. Heh..

Tiffany called me earlier. she was complaining about being in the hospital, and being there an Extremely long time, and they still have not called her back.. She must be getting bored of it now.. Maybe like.. 9 hours she has been there now.. I don't know.. I can't keep track of time anymore..

Was looking at College stuff earlier, all because my Dear Garsna linked me to a scholarship app. It was quite nice of her to do for me, and It has helped me determine everything I want to be. I want to be a Mortician/Embalmer, but it is not a really steady job, but then again.. What is now a days?  I also looked at being a pharmacist, And what that required. I need to be good at Math. If Any of you guys know me, You know.. I am not really good at all at math.. But I am going to try. I also looked at being a Chemist, but I don't know.. I might still becoem that.. lets see how I survive this Chemistry year.

I really think I have nothing more to say.. If So, then I will Edit this and add it later on. Heh.

Gotta go, I guess... love you guys.

Night.

-Charleen

Chad: I wonder what Walmart  would do if  I ran in covered in Blood, and asked where the tampons were at.
Me: ....o_o
Dave : XD

Dave, Chad, Amy, Van: You all are the greatest ever. I have loved this past week, and you guys give me a reason to carry on with life, and don't let the bad things in life hold me down.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

Im going to be out of town all weekend. Don't think any of you cept' those I mentioned, [++++ Addie and Vero] Will notice that I am going. Ah well. =]

I will have my Cellphone, if wanting to catch me, But I think I will be busy.. although, Its always nice to hear from those people I care about.

I'm having one last hangout night with My homies, don't know where we will go, though. I think it will be fun though, because no Matter what, I can have fun when I am out with my homies.

Don't know what has been going on in my head, but im full of love: Love for Kevin, Love for my Friends, Love For Life, Love for my 360. Mm, It feels wonderful.

Not going to keep you guys much longer. Just going to post this video, and I will be done:

Snakes on a Motha'Fuckin' Plane. FTW.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

MEMORIES, NEVER FORGET THEM. This is why:

Vero LIKES her German Sausage. and by that, I mean the Brat. pervs. =]]



This is Veronia, 'Reach out and touch faith.'

Don't quite remember what was going on here..I guess there is a reason that BEER MUG is empty.. o_O


CHEERS, To Everlasting Friendship!

And now, For pics of the Show I went to. Mmm. Sexy Bassist and Singer .. They both fucking rock.

Mmm.. Sweaty Bassist.. *Looks over shoulder* eeheh.

VAN, Chad, AMY, and some random Emo Goth in the background.

HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE!! LOVE YOU ALL!!

Think this is going to be the longest post in a while, so If your not a long reader, Just skim read it. Eiteher way, im going to link you guys to this, so.. Well, the people that matter/I love.

There's alot of shit I want to get off my chest, so.. Lets start with the first thing.

Kevin, I don't know anymore.. what's going on with us? You never come over, You never call? Am I not important anymore? Am I just a useful toy like all my Other ex's thought I was? Do you really care? at all? It hurts me so much to want to hold you so much, and then you never come over, You never call unless I ask you to, Which you haven't done in forever. the only time I EVER talk to you anymore is when I call you, which your phone dies randomly, and If you don't think that depresses me, then I don't know what is in your mind.. Just.. if you want it over, TELL me.. I don't want to SUFFER through Agony wondering all this crap in my head, wondering if you actually mean what you say.. /Sighs.. I love you.. But I don't know anymore..I Miss hugging you, I miss holding you tight and falling asleep on you. I miss talking to you until we both fell asleep on the phone.. Where has this guy went? Why has this guy left me...Will I ever see him again..?

Now that that is out.. I feel a little better... I guess.

There's alot of people I want to thank. I want to thank them for being there all the time for me. [ LOCAL ONLY] You all have been there for me through thick and thin, and I think I should let you know that.

Chad- Your so much like me, and yet so unique in your nerdish way. I love you so much, Your like my family to me now. There's so much you have done for me, and I don't think I can ever repay you for that. The memories we have are so awesome, and make me smile everytime I reflect on our memories through Pictures. You have introduced me to so many things, From music to games... and I wish one day I can repay you. God, we have memories from cleaning up the barn all the way down to you riding in the trunk of cars. So many things, so many memories.. I wonder how I can Keep up with them.

Samantha- I know we have had our scratches, But I want to thank you for being there, and for letting us move on with  our friendship. It means alot to me for us to be able to do that.

Brad and Zack- Both of you, are like brothers to me, You both are sweet, and Brad can be an ass sometimes but over all, you both fucking rock, and Damn, does it rule to hang out with you guys.

Ashley- I know your grounded, But I know you will sneak on, or you will read this when you get the chance. Thank you ashley, Thank you.. Thank you for being there every day for me, Thank you for laughing at my jokes, thank you for being so spontanous like I am. thank you for ..EVERYTHING. God, I wish I could repay you for all the stuff you have done for me, But I hope one day I can repay you in some form or fashion.. I love you Ashley.

Veronica- Thank you so much veronica for being my friend. I am truely Lucky to have such an awesome friend like you. I mean, You play TUBA, you play VIOLIN, you have BEAUTIFUL magnificent hair. You can Beat people with your hair, Your laugh makes me feel better every day. God, Its so great to have such a wonderful friend like you. Thank you for being such an awesome freind, I will always love you!

David- FUCK COMCAST. I hate those fuckers. Anyways, Dave, You are one of my closest friends. I love you so for not bringing drama into my life. You calm me down so much sometimes. Thank you for being there to kidnap me dave, Thank you for introducing me to Chipotle.

AMY- Yes, I know you are jumping with glee right now. Amy, You are wonderful. you make me smile so much with your online Comics, Your spontanous atitude, and of course in Irc.kidindustries. =]] God, Your freaking awesome.

Codi- How Can I put this? You fucking own. I love you. Thank you so much, for being so close to me. Thank you for having such a great time with me. Thank you for being you. The Ego bastard that I fucking love to death. God, I fucking love talking to you. We will be talking about Gangstas, and then just bust in with Pirate porn.. I mean, PORN.. If that isn't friendship, I don't know what it is, because you can't just start talking about porn to random people.. I mean.. they get a little creeped out, and then.. Its no good.. So.. THANK you CODI, Thank you, for talking about PORN with me. <33


VAN- Van, You are Fucking AWESME. I LOVE you because you are taller then me I <33 hugging you!!!

If your not on this list, then it is probably for one of these reasons:
a) I forgot your name, Im sorry.. It was an accident.
b) Either you don't talk to me, Or I don't talk to you anymore
c) You never bother trying to do anything with me
d) You pissed me off

you pick your own reason for it, I don't know. I don't care.

God, this past week has been so action packed, and fun.. I can't wait for the weekend. I might be going to the show with Chris, Amy, Chad, and Van.. which, will OWN.. :D:D

I fucking love my friendships. I value my freindships.

'Forgive and forget'
How can You forgive and Forget, If you forgive then you still remember why you are mad at the person.

If you forget, then you have nothing to forgive, or remember of why your frienship is stronger.

You cannot Forgive completely, and You can NEVER forget completely, You can just attempt to move on with life, and that is about it.

I think I have writtren enough for now. If I have more to say, then I will put it on here.

I love you all, And thank you so much for being there for me, through all my horrid times.. Thank you for helping me move on and making me the person I am today..

Charleen/Char- Happy Go-lucky Girl that brings comedy into anything, no matter how serious, can always crack a funny line. The one I usually am.

Charred Angel- Darker, depressing,  logical, Artistic side

Lady Death- Angry, Treacherous, Demonic,Sadistic, Vampric side

Marilyn Ramierez- The Mutual point of all my personalities. Im Confused, Lost, wondering in my own world, and always dreaming of a better day. This personality combines all of them.


I am MarilynRamierez..
I've named my Personalities.. And This is how I determine between my names

wishful wanting of knowing.. what he's thinking.

Today is two months..


And I don't even think he cares..

Sorry guys.. I've just had all the same bullshit on my mind.. and everytime I think of it all at once, It kinda makes me pretty upset..

I don't think I have actually cared for someone so deep as I have for him..

And Im so scared of letting him know, im so scared of being dropped..

but I want to hold him, Kiss him, Be with him..
 

But his mom does not approve..

So.. I wait.. In my room.. Playing games, thinking of him, Going to sleep, thinking of him, and talking to him, for only a short time before going to bed..

I love him..

I don't know where Char has gone,

But im no longer her for right now..

I've become soemthing totally different,

And its nothing I can put into words..

Sorry guys

-Charred Angel..