Sanity-Is this what people are? Sane? Are they able to close their eyes on a day, and listen to the winds soft breeze, as it flows through every inch of their hair, through in and out of each strand, as if someone was caressing their skin, the hair shall flow across their face, and they seem at peace. Is it sane to know of this, to describe it as if a person was doing this to you? The wind, and its Wrath extending what it has to offer to us, and in return, we gladly accept it. Is it sane of me to dream of murder, love, lust, hatred, betrayl, and some sick story? Should it be healthy to dream of such negative things? Should it be healthy at all to wonder how sane you really are. To look into a mirror, and start to have a conversation with your Conscience about what is right, and what is wrong. to argue with them everyday about what to wear, what to eat, and what to do. To imagine people are by you, and you are talking to them, when they really aren't there.. when they really, are far.. far... away..
Fear- Of losing him. The one that's so close to my heart, and makes me so vulnerable. Scared of waking up one day, and him being gone. Of him, moving on... without me. Fear of losing my love for him, that I have so deep in me, that it would seem like my whole world instantly dies from a nuclear bomb being set off in my body... How, would I react to this?
Hurt- What I feel when I miss him. Always wanting him, always wanting to be beside him, but knowing sometimes this can't be. hurt sometimes by arguments, that it can make me feel like I weigh a thousand pounds.
Missing him- He's all I think about, when I'm asleep, or at school. He always crosses my mind. Not once in a day do I not think about him..Sometimes, In a dream, a nice dream, I'm holding him so lovingly, only to wake up and him not be there.
Love- An indescribable, unknown, completely random thing. Not one human can truly describe it, for we all feel it differently. It can make me hurt, happy, yearning, and cry. It makes me feel like I am as light as a feather, and sometimes It can make it hard to breathe. Why does this emotion affect us so diversely? Why are we ABLE to love, unlike animals?
Death- Sometimes, people die from love. So brokenhearted, they have no more will to live. How can this happen to people? To where you lose the will to live, due to another? You felt for them so strong, that they were apart of you, then all of a sudden, it is all ended.. and You no longer want to eat, sleep, or drink anything.. until your body shuts down.. And you move on... but not with emotions. You move onto another place... Till death do us part, as they say.
Lost- What I am. Not sure what to do anymore, what to feel. I'm lost with my emotions, and my mind. My dreams have become reality. My Reality has became dreams. I no longer know what is real, and unreal. I no longer know if a simple touch of a raindrop is actually there, or if it is a random tear, falling from my cheek from what I'm fearing. I no longer feel the pain of a fire touching my skin, nor the prick of a nail on my fingertip. Is it truly possible that my body has numbed itself to all of this, because my mind does not agree to my body? This is what makes me Lost..
Help- something I want, but I can't get. I don't know how to explain this all.. Its so complicated, so far fetched, and I don't really think I should tell anyone, just merely keep it to myself and prey to my Deity that it all passes. Will thy Deity help me? Or will they require my humble offering before they give me mercy. Will they end my mixed life, or will they make it so much more crazy. I'm not sure anymore. Can I explain it to anyone that will listen? will it seem dumb in such a way that I'll be looked down upon? Will I be casted into my own body, with piercing blades stinging at my flesh to where henceforth I am not able to walk, but merely crawl, until all the blood hath drain'd from my body? Is this what I want? Is this what I had in mind? Is this the help that I shall get? a Bloody death for an offering not fit?
Even that sounds a little insane.. Forgive me.
I'm not sure what to do anymore, I'm not sure what lurks around any corner. I'm not myself anymore. I'm not the confident, radiant, ready to take on the world Char, instead placed by another personality. Not one I have known before.. Maybe it will give me hope after all... or maybe it will be the end of my sanity. Do I really have split personalities, or am I making it up in my head, also? I fear what I may be doing to myself. I fear what all I have done so far to myself.
I've come to a conclusion that maybe three people will read this.. Three people will tell me that they love me, and that they are here for me, and that I may try to explain everything to them, and my Darlings, I wish to my Deity that I should be able to, but the words will slip from my mouth so plain, so confusing, and So ... utterly.. dumbfounded , that I won't make sense. I thank you, my dearest of friends whom read this. I thank you with every waking moment for being there to laugh at my jokes. To be at my sides to take on the world with me, as I make all of your days a better one. So much you all have given me, and So little I have in return to offer you but Friendship love, and some jokes to make you smile. I only wish I had more to offer to as great of people, as you all.
Signed ,
The unknown.
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